#1 A weather forecast showing full sunshine and temperatures of 24+ degrees, Monday to Friday, when you are wall-to-wall with work deadlines. Saturdays and Sundays bring it on. Long, busy weekdays… complete and utter torture.
#2 Someone else’s hair gathered in a corner on the floor of the beautician’s waxing room on your first (and now last) visit. Gag.
#3 An email from a very pregnant friend with a link to a YouTube clip explaining how to massage the perineum in preparation for the birth. (Yes, the perineum IS where you roughly think it is.)
#4 Your name, first on the roll call at your graduation ceremony, when you’ve just talked over the pre-ceremony demonstration assuming you would be able to rely on watching what the person first up does and copying them. Err… sorry everyone!
#5 Two temporary ‘Closed’ signs inexplicably barring entry to the petrol forecourt one ordinary afternoon. The very afternoon, in fact, that you’ve let your petrol gauge drop to the first little markers. You know, the ones that are positioned really, really close together warning you that you’re REALLY, REALLY low on petrol.
#6 Sporadic beads of sweat… one… then another… yeeesh and another… coming at you from the man running on the treadmill next to yours. The perils of peak time gym’ing when everyone’s bunched together.
#7 Your new sunglasses (or heaven forbid, your beautiful iPhone) inadvertently rubbing against a loose nail file in the zipped compartment of your handbag. Gaah!
#8 A glimpse of the Chef’s previously black and white checked trousers, now an unsettling shade of ingrained filth… just as you are leaving the establishment having eaten.
#9 A girl who was a year or two above you at school, now a nurse it would appear, as you sit in the doctor’s reception area waiting to be called for your three-yearly smear test. Cue the silent prayer: ‘Please, please, don’t let it be her who calls me.’
#10 A girl approach you as you stand outside a pub awaiting your taxi home and ask you if you can hold her drink for a moment… as she finds the nearest doorway and has a not-so-fly pee in front of you.
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