#1 Thou shalt not leave an empty roll on the toilet roll holder. It is neither acceptable nor appreciated.
#2 Thou shalt not leave a roll with fewer than two or three sheets of toilet paper remaining. No one uses a single sheet or 1.5 sheets. No one. Anything less than a handful of sheets left and it’s one’s duty to replace the roll.
#3 Thou shalt not go to the opposite end of the spectrum of loo roll laziness by pre-empting the finishing of the roll and sitting a replacement roll on top of the nearly finished one. All that will happen is that subsequent occupants will work their way through the top roll, visit by visit, while the nearly finished roll continues to sit there until there are two nearly finished rolls. Great.
#4 Thou shalt not put the new roll on the toilet roll holder the wrong way round. Or rather, thou shalt not put the new roll on the toilet roll holder the wrong way round, notice the mistake, ignore it and leave it for the next occupant to sort.
#5 Thou shalt not leave great lengths of toilet roll trailing onto the floor or a half-torn sheet with a raggedy itty bitty edge – or worse, with wet splashes. Each of which only reminds the next occupant that someone has been there before them. Uuurghh. A nice straight edge is all we ask. See commandment #6.
#6 Thou shalt not go overboard and waste precious moments of life folding the end sheet into a neat little point. (Though thou shall secretly enjoy those precious moments when hotels and other high-class establishments do.)
#7 Thou shalt not take the last toilet roll from the cupboard where it is stored, or from another bathroom, and forget to tell Household Procurement that was the last roll.
#8 In turn, Household Procurement shalt not, in a moment of curiosity, boredom or thriftiness, opt for an alternative pattern, colour or quality of toilet roll. Well, not without expecting comment or heckling from the rest of the household.
#9 If thou take thy loo roll out of the bathroom for another purpose thou shalt not forget to take it back again or thou shalt leave the next occupant high and anything but dry.
#10 The cardinal sin of all cardinal sins. If thou use thy toilet roll to blow thy nose, thou shalt not forget to remove the used toilet paper from thy pocket prior to thy clothes going in the wash or all hell will break loose. Inside the washing machine – and out.
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