#1 A toddler. Yup, a real live (and unfamiliar to me) toddler. Panic not, toddler and family were reunited within a matter of minutes. But for those few minutes I sure was panicking, as were his parents. In fact the only person not panicking was the little dude himself who was far more concerned with what might lie underneath a rock.
#2 Snails. A single snail you’d expect. A few snails here and there, even. But NOT an escargatoire of snails. (Yes, there is collective term for a large number of snails clustered together. I looked it up.) In this instance, the escargatoire was the size of a football and masquerading as a rock. Not sure who got the bigger shock… them or me… but I certainly know who moved the fastest.
#3 A collector’s item replica car. Wedged in a hedge of all places, along with the packaging, no doubt half-inched from some poor Postie’s mail cart when he wasn’t looking, then abandoned.
#4 A reflective safety barrier. Lobbed over the wall on completion of some roadworks or waterworks. Cheers guys.
#5 My cousin’s wife, her flushed face against the cool grass, praying to the God of Vodka that she would never drink again if only he would stop her head from spinning so badly.
#6 One of my (growing number of) refuse bins – still full of refuse. On top of the bin was a note from the Bin Police (my words) politely but firmly explaining that they could not empty said bin as I had cross-contaminated (their words) refuse items. Who knew they actually checked?!
#7 A very dead – and very whole – Magpie. Unearthed when forking through a barrel of earth in preparation for planting some bulbs. Sinister.
#8 A potato. Not of the planted-earlier-this-Spring variety. Rather, one pristine King Edward-esque potato that appeared overnight and was sitting quite the thing on top a bed of earth, waiting to greet me as I opened the blinds in the morning. (The mystery was later solved when I mentioned it to my neighbour who confessed her three-year old had been lobbing potatoes over the fence until eventually she gave up rescuing them.)
#9 A mini disco, every God damn night from dusk until dawn, thanks to the solar fairy lights I bought mistakenly thinking they were a classy static white only for them to turn out to be multi-coloured lights that flash flash flash FLASH.
#10 A single grey hair. Oh wait now, that’s a different kind of garden…
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