#1 Having your dentist floss your teeth at every check-up. Surely anyone other than your own self flossing your teeth is unnatural?
#2 When your Consultant Gynaecologist contorts himself into such an angle to view what he needs to view that you can feel his metal belt buckle pressing against your stomach. (Good luck figuring that one out.)
#3 Remembering mid-sentence that the person you’re talking to doesn’t know and isn’t supposed to know what you were just about to say (a friend’s pregnancy, for example) and having to immediately change tack in as inconspicuous a manner as you can possibly manage.
#4 Meeting someone you used to go to school with, a colleague or worse still, a client when you’re at the local leisure centre pool in your wet swimming cossie. Just… awkward.
#5 Chatting to your sister while distractedly fumbling around in your purse as you both wait in the supermarket check-out queue only for your fumbling to release a single condom packet (bright red, no less) onto the conveyor belt for everyone, including your sister, to see.
#6 Realising you’ve left your purse in your other bag at home just as you arrive at the restaurant.
#7 Saying, “Not long to go now” to a heavily pregnant neighbour, only to be told she had the baby last week. Ground. Swallow. Me. Up.
#8 Greeting someone you sort of know super-enthusiastically only for them not to recognise or even acknowledge you.
#9 Being told by an ex-colleague who hasn’t seen you in a year that your new haircut and colour makes you look like a former morning television presenter. A presenter who you know to be 11 years your senior and who your ex-colleague goes on to describe as: “a bit of a M.I.L.F now… but it’s really a compliment.” (For those unaware, M.I.L.F stands for Mother-I’d-Like-to-F*ck.)
#10 Having a fellow gym bunny hover with intent while you finish your last set of reps then pounce on the machine you’ve just been working out on… warm sweaty seat and all. Eurghh.
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