“You look really washed out.”
“I preferred your hair the way it was before.”
“I love you son, but I think you eat way too much bread.” (My mother’s indirect way of saying she’s noticed I’m putting on the pounds and need to lose weight… the indirectness making it all the more pointed, ironically!)
“That dress does nothing for you.” (Said while trying on wedding dresses, while everyone else’s mums were getting teary eyed at the sight of their daughters in their dresses.)
Little sister to big sister: “There comes a time in every woman’s life when she needs to enlist the help of a push-up bra. Your time has come.”
Two days (two!!) after my second baby was born, as I popped a chocolate in my mouth: “You’ll need to start losing that weight now you’ve had the baby.” Gee, thanks!
My auntie: “We’d love to invite you for dinner but we never do because it’s always couples and with you always being single… then I had the idea you could come as Ben’s guest!” (Ben is aged eight and my cousin.)
“No, I don’t think so.” (Mother catching sight of me in the mirror as I tried on my newly purchased mini skirt. I was aged 26 at the time!!)
“I was hoping you’d still have a boyfriend at Christmas. I’ve been wanting to get you a ‘Couple at Christmas’ card for years.”
On arriving home to tell my mum I’d failed my driving test for the second time: “You can’t be very good at driving, can you?”
Got a family classic? Leave a comment below.
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