#1 The day after you get round to washing your car will be the very day you discover fresh bird poo decorating what was, fleetingly, your clean and shiny windscreen.
#2 The time you get food stuck between your teeth will be the time you’re dining with someone you’re keen to impress but who is too polite to tell you about said dental malfunction. Never when you’re amongst close friends or family who would be quick to point out the fact that you have the remains of half a black olive wedged attractively between your front teeth.
#3 The guy or girl that you’ve been wanting desperately to call you doesn’t, but the guy or girl you’re definitely not interested in does call you – and worse, keeps calling.
#4 The time someone drops by your house unannounced won’t be the time you’ve just cleaned it and have it looking as good as it’s going to get. Rather, it’ll be the day immediately PRIOR to the big deep clean, when it looks more like a case for the local Environmental Health Officer.
#5 Those four minutes and 27 seconds in which you nip out of the house to the cashline will be the same four minutes and 27 seconds in which the courier you’ve been waiting in for pulls up at your house, finds you out, writes his ‘I called but you were out card’, pops it through your letterbox and disappears without trace.
#6 The week you have a furious two-day stand off with your other half, or worse decide to break up altogether, will be the week in which you have something big booked together, be it a gig, a night out with friends or family, a work do, even a holiday.
#7 The journey where you catch all the traffic lights at green will be the journey where you have all the time in the world, with no need to be anywhere for anyone at any particular time. Never when you’ve cut things too fine and need to be somewhere NOW.
#8 The thing you treat yourself to even though you don’t really need it and it’s a bit of an indulgence will be the thing you see on sale within weeks. Aaaaargh.
#9 The time you’re offered the work project or invitation of a lifetime will be the very time when you are up to your eyes in prior commitments at work or have something you simply can’t get out of pre-arranged in the diary.
#10 Contrary to the much spun fairytale, the time you bump into your ex, with or without their new partner by their side, will be the time you’re kicking about in last night’s clothes and bed head hair looking anything BUT your best.
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